(Courtesy of New York Public Library, nypl.org. Visit the New York Times at nytimes.com)
Radio Announcer:
“We interrupt our program of dance music for a special announcement from President Trump, speaking from the White House. Take it away …”
Donald Trump (attempting to avoid a panic, supposedly):
“People are saying there was an attack on one of our military bases. Some are saying Hawaii. Hawaii is a long way away. Not even in our country. I don’t know for sure there really was an attack. The Japanese might be involved. We don’t know.
“They’re saying some servicemen were killed. Not many. Hardly any. Probably just a few Hawaii people. Nobody knows. I’ve not seen anything about an attack. Not seen anything to make me believe there was an attack on one of our great American bases. The greatest bases in the world. Nobody’s got better bases. Beautiful things, these bases. I think it’s just another hoax by the Democrats. They just want to hurt me. I’ve built the world’s greatest economy and they just want to hurt me. They’re nasty people. Nasty. More fake news from the failing New York Times and fake mainstream radio networks. Failing networks controlled by the Democrats.
“If there was an attack, which I don’t think there was – believe me when I say I think it was a hoax – I’ll take care of it. I’m in charge. I’ve accomplished many things as your President. So many things. Too many to mention. Thanks to me we’ve got the world’s greatest economy. Greatest of all time. There’s never been a bigger economy. Never a bigger one. Not in the history of the world. Some people are saying I might be the greatest President of all time. But the Democrats just want to bring me down. Just bring me down, want to hurt me. Nasty people.
“So, this hoax … this fake attack you’re hearing about, will just disappear. Just disappear. You’ll see. Just wait. It’ll be gone. You won’t see it mentioned again. Nothing but a hoax.
“If there was an attack, if there ever was an attack, then I’ll let the states handle it. Let them decide how they want to respond.
“Some people are saying there’s a war … a war over in Europe. That’s in Europe. Nothing to worry about. Not here. No war here. We’ve got the world’s greatest economy. There’s no war here. Maybe out in the ocean. Maybe in Europe. Not here.
“If your state does do something, respond or something, to whatever … an attack or a war or whatever, something way out in the ocean, something over in Europe, way over there, in those countries … whatever hoax the Democrats are saying … if you don’t like what your state does – a lot of states have Democratic governors – if you don’t like what the governor does in your state, your Democrat-controlled state, you should protest. Let them know you won’t go along with their hoax! A hoax spread by the fake radio networks! And the failing New York Times!
“SAD!!”
… (silence) …
(static)
Radio Announcer:
“… Well, it appears as though the President has concluded his remarks … so … we’ll return now to our program of dance music … “