My favorite Christmas program is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Even as a child, I felt an affinity with Rudolph and Hermey – two misfits who eventually discovered their value. It was not an easy journey for them to reach that discovery. For one thing, Santa was kind of an ass. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t cry when I learned Santa did not exist.
I’m sure you recognize their figures in the photo above. I keep them on my desk at home as a reminder of the happiness of my childhood and for the inspiration derived from their epic story. I also have a Clarice figure, but she’s from a different set and was not made to the same scale as Rudolph and Hermey, so she looks kinda funny standing next to them. I left her out of the photo for that reason. But she’s on my desk, too - a reminder that even misfits can find their Clarice and also “there’s always tomorrow.” Hearing her beautiful voice sing that song still makes me emotional.
So, I have always been a misfit and always will be. This makes me a bit of an expert in misfitology {noun (2020) : the study of misfits and their behavior}. As we navigate our way through these challenging times, I was thinking recently about the ways in which a person may not fit well within our current age and I came up with a list of examples. If you wish to join me and Rudolph and Hermey on our island of misfitery, you can follow these examples for how to do so:
Read the article, not just the headline.
Know how to say the words, “thank you.”
Be capable of including napkins in the bag with someone’s drive-thru order.
Have more real-life memories than Facebook memories.
Read books, not just posts.
Have your knowledge come from multiple diverse sources and experiences, not only from the people on radio or TV.
Let your opinions be formed by something other than memes.
Realize it’s not necessary to shout into a phone when it’s one inch from your mouth.
Hold onto the belief that romance isn’t just for fairy tales.
Believe intimacy is more than a temporary verbal contract or result of a screen swipe.
Don’t feel the need to always win (argument, game, prize) in order to believe you have personal value.
Be able to live at peace with yourself without needing to be defined as either liberal or conservative, pro-this or anti-that, Cubs-fan or Cards-fan, or any other convenient and polarizing label or proposition.
Don’t automatically assume everyone who disagrees with you is evil.
Assume there are probably better role models than the Trumps or Kardashians or anyone who has ever spent time in their inner circles.
Be aware that some people at the concert might actually want to hear the music, rather than your conversation.
Also be aware that other people might be sitting near you at a movie or play – and it’s possible they want to listen to the dialogue more than to you.
Believe most conspiracy theories are less believable than the simple truth.
Know that “the government” and “the media” are comprised of thousands of separate and unique individuals and are not distinct organisms plotting to control our minds and bodies.
Believe it’s entirely possible that some people in positions of leadership are actually making difficult decisions in an effort to do the right thing.
Recognize that inflicting damage on a person simply to win an argument is wrong.
Don’t think a person deserves to lose their job and have their life destroyed simply because they expressed an unpopular opinion that caused no one direct harm.
Appreciate the empowerment inherent in the phrase, “just deal with it.”
If the randomness of life works against you at times, don’t necessarily think you’re entitled to have some innocent person compensate you for it.
Believe that sexuality and gender identity are a person’s private business, so unless you’re planning to have sex together, have little interest in those things becoming your business.
Know more about the personal lives of family and friends than you do about celebrities.
Know the difference between your, you’re, and yore, and maybe even between there, their, and they’re.
Realize that in most arguments there are a lot of shades of gray between right and wrong - meaning it’s not always either/or.
Be able to recognize a sociopath when their behavior checks every box on the sociopath warning signs list.
Seek truth, rather than anything that appears to confirm only what you want to believe.
Have faith in the positive power of kindness, rather than the destructive power of anger. (So far, it seems the 21st century puts faith in anger more so than in kindness.)
If you want to be a misfit, to put it simply, being kind and considerate is pretty much all it takes. Attempting to understand other people and other viewpoints can get you there, too. Some of these other suggestions can fall into place later as you begin your journey away from being normal, at least as we have come to experience normal here in the 21st century.
So, feel free to join me and Rudolph and Hermey on our island of misfits. There are a lot of us here, but it’s hard to say how many, since we mostly keep to ourselves. Misfits tend to do that.
Someday, perhaps, someone will find us. And maybe they’ll bring us back to civilization. We certainly can’t rely on Santa to do so – since he doesn’t exist, you know.
But you do.